Happy Halloween!

I am completing Week 1 on the new spending plan. I think I have done alright. I was already aware of how much I spend on food and I am really aware now. I really noticed all the times I wanted to go buy food and chose not to. Nearly very day! Whether it's a snack from the vending machine, stopping at the grocery store because I don't want what's at home, or wanting to try a new recipe. Ugh! I ended up spending $25 on food this week. I've got a $150/mo budget. I spent $10 on frozen pizza and a bottle of wine. Then I spent $15 on ingredients for making vegetarian chili. The chili made six servings and turned out mediocre, so now I have to suffer through the rest of it. I hate when that happens. I froze one serving, and I've eaten two servings, so I only have three more to suffer through. I didn't officially start my new budget until after I bought groceries last weekend. I've got $20 in that envelope until next Friday. I'll need to get creative at the grocery store this week.

Today I worked on the yard. I aerated my lawn with my little Lawn Butler which was a nice workout. I wanted to topdress with my own compost, but I'm not sure it has decomposed enough. My coworkers gave me a gift card to Portland Nursery to get a memorial tree for my dad, so I went to scope out some options. At first I thought I wanted something small to pot. But then I realize that all trees start small and grow really really slowly. So I could get a regular tree really small and pot it. Then later plant it when I end up in a house I think I'll be in for more than a few years. That is the plan anyway. I'm still not ready to commit to anything. But I did get some plants for a winter container on my porch. It's been sitting on the porch empty since I smothered and killed my Portland Marathon tree with snapdragons and marigolds over the summer. I spent $13. I'm calling that entertainment since that envelope has money and the home maintenance and repairs envelope doesn't. My budget for entertainment is $160/mo. I plan to spend $9 at the Women's Show tomorrow and then I have dinner plans next Thursday. The dinner plans I think technically comes out of the food envelope but I might take it out of entertainment. I think my food allowance might be too tight. This is hard.

Oct. 27: The Money I Could Be Saving

The money I could be saving (but not by switching to Geico)

Folks, I am not doing well on the living lean part of my adventure. In fact, just these past two weeks I spent a ton of money. Clothes, manicures and pedicures, food, good wine, hotels, and a hefty speeding ticket somewhere between L.A. and San Luis Obispo. I've returned to my normal life and I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf in my spending habits.

I was inspired by Terri, who recently went to see a financial advisement guru named Dave Ramsey. A lot of his concepts make a lot of sense and I'm ready to try a couple. He says that our culture has grown accustomed to debt, and we view having loads of debt as okay. Remember when our parents used to make us save up our allowance before buying something? What happened to that? Dave stresses focusing on eliminating debt as fast as possible, one loan at a time. And one way to get there is to operate in cash as much as possible. It's more painful to fork over cash than it is to swipe a card. I set up an envelope system for all my non-bill items like food, entertainment, home repairs, etc. I have a budget for each one and only put that much cash in. When the cash runs out, that's it until the next refill. And I'm starting by attacking my car note full force. I still have four years left on the note, but I'm hoping to pay it off in two. Then onto the student loan. This is going to take a while.

It's only been two days on the plan but so far so good.

In loving memory of Jerome Camil Zuber, 1938-2009

Photo taken within the hour before passing

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

Author: Henry Van Dyke

Soup Season

I tried to go to my cancer support group last night but I-84 was at a standstill. There must've been an accident but I never saw it. I was incredibly late so I just went home. That's a fun time to battle horrible traffic for almost an hour only to veer off and go home anyway. Grrr. Hopefully next week. Instead, I swapped out my summer clothes for winter clothes, did some laundry, and made a delicious soup.

It's October, the weather's cooling off, and it's the beginning of soup season! I made one of my favorite soups, cauliflower and broccoli soup with gruyere. I got it from the What's Cooking Vegetarian cookbook that I got from Powell's a couple years ago. It's so hearty and delicious, and a great way to get your vegetables. The heartiness comes from taking half the vegetables out and blending them, then putting them back in. I enjoyed it in a big mug my mom made accompanied by a piece of my loaf-of-crap bread. It was the best. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients
3 T olive oil
1 red onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
10 ½ oz cauliflower florets
10 ½ oz broccoli florets
1 T all purpose flour
2 ½ cups skim milk
1 ¼ cup vegetable stock
¾ cup grated gruyere cheese
Pinch of paprika
2/3 cup light cream (I use fat free half and half)
Paprika and gruyere shavings to garnish

1. Heat the oil in a large saucepan and sauté the onion, garlic, cauliflower and broccoli for 3-4 minutes, stirring constantly. Add the flour and cook for a further 1 minute, stirring.

2. Stir in the milk and stock and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 20 minutes.
3. Remove about a quarter of the vegetables and set aside.

4. Pour remaining soup in a food processor or blender and blend for 30 seconds until smooth. Transfer the soup back to the saucepan.

5. Stir in the grated cheese, paprika, and light cream and heat gently for 2-3 minutes without boiling or until the cheese starts to melt.

6. Transfer to warm soup bowls, garnish with shavings of cheese and dust with paprika.

Congratulations to Kara and Scott!

Oh! And of course, congratulations to Kara and Scott. They just welcomed their new baby girl into the world, Grae. She is adorable.

Mmmm... What a Yummy Loaf of Crap

It's been a good weekend. Friday night I had my couples class, the second to last one. This session has flown by.

I had an interesting time at the salon on Saturday. I got my eyebrows waxed at the Aveda Institute for the second time. The student I had the last time was fabulous. The instructor who checked her work was way too hard on her, but as a result I walked away with fabulous eyebrows. They really do frame the face. This time the guy I had took me to the hair washing station. I was like, "Um, maybe you have the wrong Sarah. I'm here for an eyebrow wax." He's like, "No, this is the wax right here." Strange. After he applies the wax he has trouble getting an edge to lift to rip it off. He's like, "I wish I hadn't cut my nails, those damn manicurists." I thought about making a joke about leaving his pinky nail long, but then people might think he did blow. I bit my tongue. Then he proceeds to tell me how he loves waxing eyebrows, it's one of his favorite things, aside from cut and color. They have to try every service once. And the Brazilian wax is definitely one he'll only do once. Thank goodness it was his sister. WHAT?! I said, "Uh, wasn't that too much information about your sister?" He said, "I would rather it be a family member than a total stranger." Does anyone else find that disturbing? That's the LAST thing I want to see on my brother!!!

After the brow wax I went to Erica's baby shower. I had a blast. I hope Erica did too. Wonderful hostesses and great company.

Saturday night I had my monthly Spanish dinner with Angela and Kellee at Lupe's Escape. It's a great little place in Beaverton. Always a great time visiting with those two. I admire their language skills. They put me to shame but I learn a lot. What was that new word I learned -- Fulano? Kellee says it means John Doe, Angela laughed and said she thinks it means asshole. Maybe I shouldn't use it just to be safe.

Today I did chores around the house, gardening, grocery shopping, and a long run. The usual Sunday activities. I made a veggie meatloaf last week, one of my childhood favorites (the real thin I mean) and I attempted to bake a loaf of white bread to make meatloaf sandwiches for lunches this week. I was supposed to let it rise to double in a 200 degree oven, about an hour. It wasn't doubled in an hour so I left it in longer. But when I pulled it out it already had sort of a crust. And then I was supposed to roll it out, and then roll it up into a cylandar (sp?) and let it rise to double again. It didn't rise to double. So I just threw it in the oven, at a lower temperature than it was supposed to bake at and longer, in hopes it would rise in the oven. No such luck. As you see, I ended up with a loaf of crap. Ah well, I plan to make soup this week, perhaps it'll make decent bread for the soup.

Oct. 1: Cancer Support Group Review

I went to my first Family and Friends of Cancer Patients support group last night. I've been meaning to go for a few weeks, and even went once but arrived so late I didn't go in. I was really nervous for it last night. I've been facilitating groups for four years now, yet I've never been in a group myself. It was so hard to walk into a room of complete strangers and know I was about to bare my heart to them. I have new respect for the brave souls in my current Anger Management and Couples Problem-Solving groups! There were only three other group members, plus the facilitator, yet we used the entire two hours. She basically just went around the room and let everyone have the space to speak for a chunk of time. Just whatever went on that week, whatever was on their minds. They had all been in the group for a minimum of several months, they were all the caretakers, and only one was staged as far along as my dad. It was helpful to hear everyone's story and struggles. And it was especially helpful when it got around to me. I didn't know where to begin, I reflected over the past two years, it was all so overwhelming and there was so much to share I could hardly get the words to come out. The group was amazing, they were just so kind and supportive to me. They really understand what it's like, how your whole life perspective changes in an instant. The constant roller coaster, the fickle beast that is cancer, teasing you cruelly with momentary upswings and then crashing down on you again. All the emotional ups and downs during each day. Struggling through a workday, irritated at all the insignificant crap that people get riled up about. And thinking, "Oh my gosh, if only... If only that were my biggest worry!" At the end of group, one guy made a really strong pitch for the group, what it has meant to him and the change he has seen in people who join. It was a compelling pitch for me to go back. The facilitator asked at the end: "Are you coming back next week?" And I said, "I don't know yet. I'm a little overwhelmed and I need digest this experience first." I feel bad about that, but it's the absolute truth. It's almost like this group brings feelings to the surface that I've been stuffing, and it feels dangerous for me. I'm precarious already and is bringing all this to the surface just going to push me over the edge, where I just can't function anymore? Or maybe it'll be uncomfortable at first, and then once I "catch up" on everything I've been stuffing, I'll be healthier in the end. I know groups work. I know support is paramount in being able to cope. I know this in my head. I just have to convince my heart now. I'm 85% sure I'll go back next week.