Oct. 1: Cancer Support Group Review

I went to my first Family and Friends of Cancer Patients support group last night. I've been meaning to go for a few weeks, and even went once but arrived so late I didn't go in. I was really nervous for it last night. I've been facilitating groups for four years now, yet I've never been in a group myself. It was so hard to walk into a room of complete strangers and know I was about to bare my heart to them. I have new respect for the brave souls in my current Anger Management and Couples Problem-Solving groups! There were only three other group members, plus the facilitator, yet we used the entire two hours. She basically just went around the room and let everyone have the space to speak for a chunk of time. Just whatever went on that week, whatever was on their minds. They had all been in the group for a minimum of several months, they were all the caretakers, and only one was staged as far along as my dad. It was helpful to hear everyone's story and struggles. And it was especially helpful when it got around to me. I didn't know where to begin, I reflected over the past two years, it was all so overwhelming and there was so much to share I could hardly get the words to come out. The group was amazing, they were just so kind and supportive to me. They really understand what it's like, how your whole life perspective changes in an instant. The constant roller coaster, the fickle beast that is cancer, teasing you cruelly with momentary upswings and then crashing down on you again. All the emotional ups and downs during each day. Struggling through a workday, irritated at all the insignificant crap that people get riled up about. And thinking, "Oh my gosh, if only... If only that were my biggest worry!" At the end of group, one guy made a really strong pitch for the group, what it has meant to him and the change he has seen in people who join. It was a compelling pitch for me to go back. The facilitator asked at the end: "Are you coming back next week?" And I said, "I don't know yet. I'm a little overwhelmed and I need digest this experience first." I feel bad about that, but it's the absolute truth. It's almost like this group brings feelings to the surface that I've been stuffing, and it feels dangerous for me. I'm precarious already and is bringing all this to the surface just going to push me over the edge, where I just can't function anymore? Or maybe it'll be uncomfortable at first, and then once I "catch up" on everything I've been stuffing, I'll be healthier in the end. I know groups work. I know support is paramount in being able to cope. I know this in my head. I just have to convince my heart now. I'm 85% sure I'll go back next week.