Sept. 17: Some Like it Hot

Baked Jalapeno Poppers

Ingredients

First off, a shout out to my first two blog followers, Andrea and Kate. Holla! Andrea, fellow diver and water polo player, locker partner, blonde knockout, fierce and determined, and a dear and loyal friend. And Katie, a tiny little redhead with a big personality, educator, strong woman full of wisdom and heart, and my soulmate of a best friend that I've known for 26 years. Thank you for your support.

Well it continues to be a rough time with my dad in and out of the hospital three times since Saturday. His cancer continues to grow and spread and the pain has become intolerable, even for him. This is a man who dropped a refridgerator on his foot and shattered it while helping my sister move, and kept going. If he's complaining of intolerable pain, it is absolutely unimaginable for the rest of us. It looks like we're going hospice from here on out. Which, according to NCI (National Cancer Institute), that's for being comfortable and preparing the patient and family for death when there's less than six months to go. Today I had lots of dizzy spells and nausea, presumably from stress. What do I do? I was going to visit for Christmas, but is there time? How do you know? Do I load Abbey in the Jeep and drive to Arizona? Then maybe I could stop by my alma mater, I haven't been to New Mexico since I moved to Portland nine years ago. Or maybe I could cross the border and spend a week or two in Mexico. Find a little place to rent on the ocean. Or maybe I save that trip for the funeral. Nothing soothes my soul like travel, especially to the ocean. I'm just feeling like I just want to escape it all. It hurts my heart to think of my dad in pain. My bathroom fan broke and I read the manual, but there's no troubleshooting section. I would normally call my dad in this situation and ask what to do. I know I can do it with a little guidance, I've changed light fixtures and ceiling fans. It just hits home how much I'll miss about him.

So, with all this grief and stress, what do I do? While cook of course! I picked more broccoli and basil from my garden and made a pasta salad. I also I got these jalapenos from the farmers market the other day and decided to make jalapeno poppers with leftover cream cheese I used for the frosting on a red velvet cake a couple months ago. No letting things go to waste! (except I threw out half a wedge of brie today - ugh) After I sliced the peppers open and took out the seeds, I touched my mouth. And holy hell my lips are still on fire! I think those must be some hot jalapenos! I used Panko for the first time. Anyone used it? Apparently it's Japanese breadcrumbs that are light and especially crispy. We shall see if they are really all that. So here's the finished product, I have to admit I'm a little afraid of them. Do they look like pure heat to anyone else???